Tuesday, 28 December 2021

/Satire/ The 2021 Advent Calendar /satire/

As Advent ends, and all the windows are open, Eccles reveals his 2021 Advent Calendar, and how it differs from his calendar last year.

From Eccles is Saved

Well, there were a few changes from last year's Advent Calendar (all that's best in contemporary Catholicism).


We opened the windows and we found:
  1. Jolly Uncle Arthur Roche.
  2. Prof. Faggioli's book on two entirely unrelated subjects - Joe Biden and Catholicism.
  3. The historic meeting between Little Amal (L) and Big Vin (R) in Westminster Cathedral.
  4. Wilton Gregory, keen Democrat activist and now a cardinal.
  5. The modern socially-distanced way of spraying holy water - with a water-pistol.
  6. We address the deep theological question: "Mary, did you know?" Sing along with me, please.
  7. Cardinal Becciu is here to give you advice on your investments.
  8. Ask any Catholic and he will tell you that the biggest problem in the world is the lack of synods. This is now being rectified!
  9. It's Thomas "Don't let young people attend the Latin Mass" Reese. SJ of course.
  10. We honour the police who have so often prevented us from celebrating Mass.
  11. Bishop Barron is here to reassure us that we shall all be playing guitars in Heaven.
  12. We celebrate the wedding of Boris Johnson, who after 56 years suddenly realised that he was a Catholic.
  13. A German "earth altar". Nobody knows why.
  14. This happy couple needs no introduction!
  15. Another iconic couple greets us. It's LGBTQ-activist Fr James Martin SJ and his friend David Haas, a top composer of liturgical music!
  16. I don't know whether to catalogue this book as "horror" or "comic".
  17. We are greeted by two of New York's finest Catholics.
  18. We offer some essential supplies to help us restore the "sign of peace" as soon as possible. These may be a bit difficult to read. They say:
    • Green: Okay with hugs and high-fives.
    • Orange: Okay with talking but not touching.
    • Red: Hi! I'm keeping my distance. [Personally, I always go for the red option.]
  19. We see this year's Vatican nativity scene. No spacemen, unfortunately, but we do have a visitor from the Amazon at the manger.
  20. It's Austen Ivereigh! He knows if you've been bad or good, and will tell your bishop if he thinks you're bad!
  21. Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia of the Pontifical Academy for Life is your man, whether you want homoerotic murals or a tolerant attitude to abortion!
  22. Our celebrations would not be complete without Pachamama, seen here just before she went for a swim in the Tiber.
  23. We said farewell to Hans Küng this year.
  24. Sister Jeannine Gramick LGBT of New Ways Ministry. Condemned by the CDF but (mercifully) praised by Pope Francis.
  25. This last scene may bring you joy.
A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all readers!

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