Tuesday, 20 July 2021

Which Sort of Catholic Are You?

In the midst of all the anger and angst of the past few days, here's something lighter. I'm sort of a mix of 10, 11, and 12.

1. Catholic just in name. Almost never attends Mass. Thinks the Church needs to get everything modernized. Loves yoga. Cares much more about Pride parade than the Catholic Church.

2. Not very Catholic, but just wants a traditional family. Wants to raise his children Catholic, despite the fact that he does not take his faith seriously. Attends Mass just to find a wife.

3. Feels inwardly Catholic, but is very worldly in his daily life. Attends Mass only once a month with his grandparents. Always introduces himself as “culturally Catholic”.

4. Average lukewarm Novus Ordo attendee. Attends Mass only on Sundays. Feels a bit uncomfortable with some of the Catholic doctrines. Thinks homily is the most important part of the Mass.

5. Novus Ordo lover. Former baptist. Easily moved to tears by melodramatic guitar songs during Mass. Loves Bishop Barron and drinks his morning coffee listening to Word on Fire. Always attends Mass on Sunday.

6. Hermeneutic of continuity admirer. Always looking for ways to reconcile traditional and modernist Catholics. The middle way is the only way. Thinks that all the liturgical issues would have been resolved if the Church never moved beyond the '65 Missal. Thinks Pope Benedict will become very soon a Doctor of the Church. Thinks people always misunderstand Pope Francis. Attends Novus Ordo during the week and TLM on Sundays.

7. Mad trad. Always angry. Watches Taylor Marshall every day for the new scandals and rumours. Thinks Pope Francis is the last pope before the Second Coming. Anxious that he might one day have to become sedevacantist, though he is not a sede. Loves Donald Trump and Low Mass.

8. Glad trad. Always happy. Used to attend a charismatic Novus Ordo all his life, but recently found out about traditional Latin Mass and he fell in love with it. Married and has 3 kids. Has no social media at all because finds it a waste of time. Doesn’t know much about the liturgy, but he knows this much: he loves TLM.

9. Beatific trad. The peace of God dwells in his heart. Knows a lot about the liturgy, but doesn’t talk much. Loves mental prayer and eucharistic adoration. Always attends Mass alone. Wanted to become a Carthusian monk when he was young.

10. Revolutionary trad. Wants to restore Christendom. Eager to evangelize. Loves singing the Divine Office. Wants every Parish to have Solemn Mass in Latin. Either will become a Benedictine monk or have a big family with 15 children.

11. Banned from Father James Martin’s page. No more needs to be said.

12. A human, but also an app that generates constantly quotes from the Summa. Thinks about St. Thomas Aquinas even when cutting his nails.

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Comments are subject to deletion if they are not germane. I have no problem with a bit of colourful language, but blasphemy or depraved profanity will not be allowed. Attacks on the Catholic Faith will not be tolerated. Comments will be deleted that are republican (Yanks! Note the lower case 'r'!), attacks on the legitimacy of Pope Francis as the Vicar of Christ (I know he's a material heretic and a Protector of Perverts, and I definitely want him gone yesterday! However, he is Pope, and I pray for him every day.), the legitimacy of the House of Windsor or of the claims of the Elder Line of the House of France, or attacks on the legitimacy of any of the currently ruling Houses of Europe.