Wouldn't It Be Loverly?

A comment on a post on Fr Z's Blog, ASK FATHER: Can lay people assist with sprinkling rite and give homily? I wish!
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In fact, it would be cool to see a priest during the homily thump a Bible. Ah, yes…Father Chesty Puller:

“Alright you heathens, listen up. We’ve been at this twenty centuries, so lemme’ tell you somethin’. This is Holy Mass, not open-mic night at the Comedy Shack. You want showtunes? Buy a stereo. You want dancing? Arthur Murray is two blocks down the street. You want fire bowls? Buy a wok. And another thing, Holy Mass is not a Safe Space for Snowflakes. We don’t hold hands during the Our Father, no one gives a darn if you drove a Prius here- though if you bi-located here this morning that’s pretty cool- and, as I look out at your bright, shiny, and shocked faces: Put down those teddy bears and put on a Scapular! Satan is prowling about looking for souls to devour. Your knight may have levelled-up yesterday in Dungeons and Dragons but that doesn’t mean JackSquat. Put on the whole armor of God, pray the Rosary- that Rosary better be clean and dust-free- and remember my brothers and sisters in Christ: Go to Confession!”