Springtime! US Diocese To Eliminate 70% of Its Parishes

Fr Zed responds to Abp Schnurr's plan to close 70% of his Parishes.

From Fr Z's Blog

Speaking of the Diocese of Black Duck, I saw this in the fever swamp…

Ah, springtime in the Church. New breezes wafting in through the opened windows.

How about them high-falutin’ names these chancery types come up with, along with glossy brochures and posters, videos to be played at Mass (not that that’s a distraction from the reason for being there…).   Program after program to “Make Us All Be Smaller”, or perhaps, “Nostra Autem Minui“.

In Black Duck’s neighboring diocese, Libville, Bp. Fatty McButterpants copied what his old buddy Bp. Antuninu “Dozer” Ruspe over in  Pie Town was doing to his parishes.  Not called “Dozer” for nothing, he was consolidating.  “It’s The Only Way”.   Rather like his 5th c. North Africa namesake, “Dozer” then sold off the beautiful architectural elements, statues, windows, etc., at a huge profit.    Hence, Most Reverend Fatty initiated his own program of consolidation, “That They May Be One”, which made Archbp. Rossi over in Red Bird a little irritated, because he had wanted to use that slogan.

One of Bp. Mc’s first moves was to create a couple of merged clusters called the “Sing A New Faith Community Into Being Faith Community” and the “Engendering Togetherness Community of Welcome”, appointing Fr. Bruce Hugalot, the pastor at St. Idealia, over the whole shooting match.

You will remember Fr. Hugalot, who struggled a little with the recent presser in Black Duck.  He was there to cover it for the diocesan paper of Libville and, frankly, to stick his nose in where it didn’t really belong, a long-standing practice which sometimes created comments about “boundaries”.

Lest you think that the Bp. Jude Noble wasn’t open to the idea of merging faith communities in Black Duck, he was entirely open to the proposal from the pastor of St. Ipsidipsy in Tall Tree Circle, Msgr. Zuhlsdorf.  Msgr. Z and SSPX Fr. Rocco Firm raised an idea during one of their Suppers For The Promotion Of Clericalism.  Perhaps His Excellency might combine the the SSPX chapel, St. Joseph Terror of Demons with St. Ipsidipsy.  They could call the new cluster, “Through My Fault My Fault My Most Grievous Fault Catholic Community”.  Other highly clerical participants eagerly suggested alternate names including, “Mournful Mother Weeping”, proposed by Fr. Fidel Jose Maria de la Cruz, also of the SSPX – several of their group were present as usual – and “Loaded Down With Opprobrium” by the newly confirmed Provost of the St. Philip Neri Oratory of Mary Cause of Our Joy, Fr. Janusz Włotrzewiszczykowycki-Brzęczyszczykiewic.

As the evening went on and the cigars were burning low, they all pretty much agreed that trying to make everything that belongs to God smaller wasn’t the best idea.  Other changes were needed.