A reflection on the horrors and oddities of the Pachamama Sin-od.
From One Peter Five
By Dan Millette
Many Catholics are just now awaking from what seemed like a surreal
dream, or rather a hellish nightmare. The Pan-Amazonian Synod mercifully
stumbled past the finish line at the end of October, and now the
revolutionary attack on the Church will continue in earnest, sans grating daily press conferences and Pachamama denials.
First, a caveat. If perchance a Vatican official reads this and
assumes I am a well funded right-wing Catholic elitist, I am not —
though, I confess, the title does have a certain appeal. I am just a
lowly but faithful (rigid) Catholic. So spare yourself a search for my Wikipedia page.
What exactly happened in Rome last month?
October 4, the feast of St. Francis of Assisi, was a fitting
commencement. It was a personal day of fasting for the synod, which was
prophetic because had I eaten, the food might have ended up on my
computer screen. I speak about the notorious Vatican garden video,
where an amalgam of woke spiritualists, evidently not professional
dancers, prostrated themselves before those carved images of naked
pregnant women. Like a plague of locusts, or enlightened liturgists, the
Pachamamas had arrived.
The First Commandment is simple: I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any other gods besides me.
It is not just an Old Testament sentiment. Ask any true exorcist how
violating this Commandment can lead to demonic infestations, obsessions,
and even possessions. So how could the Pachamama proceedings be so
blatant?
It doesn’t matter what we might think, for we were told what to think.
First, these carved images were, in fact, simply hideously naked
statues of Our Lady and St. Elizabeth — which would, as a clear insult
against what is spotless and holy to God, violate the First Commandment.
Next, we were told these naked statues were just harmless
representations of Mother Earth (but not Pachamama, which translates
into English as Mother Earth). They were then placed prominently in a
Catholic church — a scandalous depredation contrary to the First
Commandment. Finally, we came full circle when Pope Francis clarified
that the carved images were indeed Pachamama idols — that being a grave
offense against the First Commandment.
This describes the muddled and confused human comedy of the
Pan-Amazonian Synod, which will surely be remembered as one of the most
embarrassing misfortunes in Church history.
Examples abound. One evening, my wife and I were sitting in the living room. She was nursing our new baby, Jude. I was reading a report
from the fearless reporter George Neumayr. Jude evidently was nursing
as if he had been fasting all day in reparation and needed to make up
for lost time.
“Jude nurses like a pig, wouldn’t you say?” I commented to my wife.
Before she could reply, I showed her an image from the Church of
Santa Maria of Traspontina in Rome, the one of a woman nursing an
animal.
“Is this woman nursing a pig?” I wondered. “Or maybe a weasel?”
Apparently, it was the wrong picture to show a sacrificial mother
dutifully nursing her child. Mothers, especially those existing on
negligible sleep, get irritated when their role of motherhood is
derided. It’s all interconnected, you know.
Further synodal incredulity came in the form of Austrian-born Bishop
Erwin Kräutler, one of the main spokesmen at the Synod. Kräutler, when
pressed by reporter Ed Pentin, admitted that a goal of the synod was to work toward legitimizing the (impossible) ordination of women. Kräutler is the same man who has bragged
that as a bishop in the Amazonian region, he never baptized a single
person. Priestesses apparently are needed in the Amazon, but to do what,
we cannot say. Is it a pseudo–Amoris Laetitia situation, where
priestess will distribute Holy Communion to the non-baptized? Or
perhaps worse, are they needed in the Amazon to give Holy Communion to
weasels?
Thankfully, not everything was ridiculous. The biggest splash at the synod came from another Austrian man, Alexander Tschugguel,
who helped swipe five Pachamama statues from Catholic churches and send
them plummeting down into the Tiber River. Well done, good and faithful
servant.
Predictably, the synod ended on another sour note. Pope Francis
triumphantly proclaimed that the Pachamamas had been recovered, and they
would make an appearance at the final Mass for the synod (which they
never did). As visions of a massive Blues Brothers Pachamama
search operation involving police helicopters, SWAT team members,
firefighters, and army personnel flooded my mind, I looked at my wife
with a smirk.
“No,” she admonished me, “don’t say what you’re thinking!”
“Well, do you want to bet that someone finds the real Pachamamas in a few weeks?”
What a tragedy we’ve come to, that one’s first reaction to words from the pope is to believe they are untrue.
It didn’t take a few weeks. All it took was a quick walk to the original site of the Pachamama tossing to notice
that one of the carved images never in fact made it into the Tiber
River, nor to the Italian police office, but was still resting on the
rocks. The Italian Carabinieri are not exactly the legendary Royal
Canadian Mounted Police when it comes to finding their man, or
Pachamama.
These are but a few of the surreal impressions we are left with
following the 2019 Pan-Amazonian Synod. If Mark Twain popularized the
aphorism that truth is stranger than fiction, the synod proved it. If
nothing else, the synod was entertaining. You could even say it was one
big joke.
But a word of hope to conclude, as we are left to continue praying
and fasting for the Church. Perhaps of equal importance, by the act of
the tossing the Pachamamas into the Tiber River, we have been inspired
to act in defense of the Church. We have our Faith, and now good works must follow.
To reinterpret Pope Francis’s words: This is good news. Thank you, Jesus.
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