Satire!-PARISH REPORT: Vegan Leaves Catholic Church upon Hearing Eucharist Is Jesus’ Body

Satire, but considering how seldom one hears sound Eucharistic doctrine preached in many places, I could almost believe it.

From A Catholic Misfit

[ACMPress] – PORTLAND – Corey Ander, a 22-year old lifelong Catholic and vegan, announced on Facebook he was leaving the Catholic Church because “I heard my priest say the Eucharist is Jesus’ body and blood, and I promised myself I would never eat anything that had a face.”

“This is like, kinda heartbreaking for me,” he wrote. “I love Sts. Abercrombie & Fitch. I love the music, the community, the felt banners, the soft landing of low expectations – but when our new priest preached this past Sunday the bread becomes Jesus’ body, and the wine becomes His blood, I was like woah. I never heard that from our previous pastor. If that’s true, I can’t do this no more.

“I mean, I already don’t go to coffee hour because they use real creamer, and the donuts have eggs. I suddenly feel so disoriented and untethered. Where am I gonna go, where I’m not eating something that used to have a smile, have feelings, and all that?”

Several friends responded to Corey’s post, clarifying Church doctrine on the Eucharist, but he promptly blocked them for using “hurtful language”.

“Listen,” he responded to one, “if all you’re gonna do is tell me I’m misunderstanding stuff, well, hurtful language like that makes me very uncomfortable. Good-bye!”

As of this report, Corey was considering joining the local Unitarian Veganism Church, where they’re removed all meat references from the scriptures, they refer to Jesus as “The Yam of God”, and offer sliced vegetables for their communion services.

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