· How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
· Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!·
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
· Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
· I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
· They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
· I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
· When chemists die, they barium.
· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
· Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
· Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
· Broken pencils are pointless.
· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
· All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
· I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
· Velcro - what a rip off!
· Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
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Comments are subject to deletion if they are not germane. I have no problem with a bit of colourful language, but blasphemy or depraved profanity will not be allowed. Attacks on the Catholic Faith will not be tolerated. Comments will be deleted that are republican (Yanks! Note the lower case 'r'!), attacks on the legitimacy of Pope Francis as the Vicar of Christ (I know he's a material heretic and a Protector of Perverts, and I definitely want him gone yesterday! However, he is Pope, and I pray for him every day.), the legitimacy of the House of Windsor or of the claims of the Elder Line of the House of France, or attacks on the legitimacy of any of the currently ruling Houses of Europe.