"The Bishop of Bray": A Classic Poem Adapted by John Rist

A brilliant satire on 'weather vane Bishops' who shift with the wind out of Rome. Merriam-Webster defines the title of the original, 'The Vicar of Bray' as 'A man of changeable allegiance, an opportunist or turncoat'.

From Rorate Cæli

A poem about a phenomenon we have all noticed over the years. PK

The Bishop of Bray

1. In good pope John’s excited days
when breath blew through the casement
a zealous update-priest was I
and so I got preferment.
And to my flock I boldly preached
the Church’s new directions
and cursed be he who dared complain
or challenge Küng’s projections.
And this is law I shall maintain
until my dying day, Sir,
That whatsoever pope shall reign
I’ll be the bishop of Bray, Sir.

2. To end the chaos, calm the strife
I called for Paul Montini,
And hooting down the Latin tongue
I loved hit-man Bugnini.
Pelagian collects I adored
and urged Old Mass cessation
and had become a Modernist
but for the Pill’s damnation.
And this is law I shall maintain
until my dying day, Sir,
That whatsoever pope shall reign
I’ll be the bishop of Bray, Sir.

3. When John Paul Two from Krakow came
to mend the barque of Peter
I hailed the papa boys each day
and ruled out female preachers.
All heretics I did detest;
I stood for truth and duty.
And every day I prayed that God
restore the Church’s beauty.
And this is law I shall maintain
until my dying day, Sir,
That whatsoever pope shall reign
I’ll be the bishop of Bray, Sir.       

4. When Cormac’s boys failed to subvert
the Ratzinger election,
I praised our learned tower of faith
and moral truth’s protection.
The Legionnaires I helped expose
and Marxists called in question
and offered heartfelt thanks to hear
of clergy sods’ rejection.
And this is law I shall maintain
until my dying day, Sir,
That whatsoever pope shall reign
I’ll be the bishop of Bray, Sir.     

5. When foul-mouthed Frank grasped Peter’s Keys,
our pantheistic charmer,
I switched my moral stance once more
and bowed to Pachamama.
I came to see that Chairman Xi
is close to Xisus’ altar
and shall proclaim me atheist
when Frankie junks the Psalter.
And this is law I shall maintain
until my dying day, Sir,
that whatsoever pope shall reign
I’ll be the bishop of Bray, Sir.

The porno star from Buenos Aires
and Sodomite succession,
to them allegiance I do swear,
while they can keep possession.
For in my faith and loyalty
I never more will falter
and Jorge my lawful pope shall be—
until the times do alter.
And this is law I shall maintain
until my dying day, Sir,
That whatsoever pope shall reign
I’ll be the bishop of Bray, Sir.