Fathers on the Defence

'Men are a particular object of contempt, often branded as ‘toxic’ if they refuse to bow to ‘wokeism.’ Ironically, we are desperately in need of good men who live in accordance with traditional ideas of virtue and chivalry–especially as loving and present fathers.'

From The European Conservative

By László Bernát Veszprémy

Men are a particular object of contempt, often branded as ‘toxic’ if they refuse to bow to ‘wokeism.’ Ironically, we are desperately in need of good men who live in accordance with traditional ideas of virtue and chivalry–especially as loving and present fathers.

Nothing could have prepared me for what it felt like to hold my baby for the first time. My memories of my son’s birth are a bit impressionistic: the hospital’s unique smell, combined with neon lights, created a special atmosphere, if you will. I paced back and forth to relieve tension, whispering prayers to pass the maddeningly sluggish minutes. Of course, all this is nothing compared to what my wife went through, but it’s a very strong memory for me.

Then, suddenly, I heard the unmistakable cry of a newborn baby. The nurses brought him in, recorded a few numbers—he was 55 cm and almost four kilos—and then placed him in my arms. He was red, blue, and screaming.  He was shockingly tiny, and although I didn’t know what to do with him, I simply promised to always love him and to be there for him. It might sound cliché—and perhaps it is—but it was sincere and true. At that moment, I realised that being a father is the most important role in a man’s life. 

Fatherhood and transformation

Fatherhood changes a man in many ways. It requires that he step out of himself and sacrifice his own interests for the sake of his family. As a father, a man accepts a large responsibility; his work and efforts become more vital because his family relies on him. It is difficult, but it also fills me with joy that I have never experienced. 

Upon becoming a father, I developed a keen awareness of how threatening the world is. The dangerous aspects of city life, previously concealed in my blissfully unaware single state, became abruptly visible. For the sake of my son, I felt an insurmountable urge to write a letter of protest regarding this state of affairs—to the police, the municipality, the press, and anyone else who will listen.

Parenthood can also transform a person’s political views. In my experience, I began to question some of the laissez faire wisdoms of authors I used to admire. Faced with the responsibility of providing for a family, the common right-wing idea that child support and family benefits are the beginning of a slippery slope to the Gulag made a little less sense to me. I began to feel very lucky that I was living in Hungary, where traditional families are strongly supported by a conservative state. 

The transformation I experienced upon becoming a father is common. As one recent study from the University of Pennsylvania found, parents tend to be more conservative, at least in the Western world. I believe this is in large part because being a parent leads to an increased desire for security. You have concerns outside of yourself; you fear for your kids and for their future. Additionally, families have to rely on relatives, friends, and the community. Having a family cultivates an appreciation for the traditional structure of family life and the community that is meant to support it. 

The family under threat

Every conservative is aware that the family is threatened today. G. K. Chesterton once said that  “the modern world is full of the old Christian virtues gone mad.” The role and virtues attached to the family are no exception. In modern societies, multi-generational families have disappeared. It used to be that  grandparents helped parents and siblings helped each other. There is a Hungarian saying that a child is raised by the ‘whole village.’ This means that parenting was a shared burden. Communities were interconnected support systems. 

But as overbearing individualism in the modern world has isolated people, this traditional structure has been wiped out. We can see the political consequences of this in the past century. As the family has been undermined in the modern world, the protection and authority that once resided in the family has been given to the government. Many isolated individuals have looked to the state to take care of the needs that were once supplied by loved ones. 

It should come as no surprise, then, that the roles of father and mother are being threatened. This is particularly apparent in today’s gender war. LGBT activists are bent on removing all distinctions between men and women, between fathers and mothers. Men are a particular object of contempt, often branded as ‘toxic’ if they refuse to bend to the demands of ‘wokeism.’ Ironically, masculinity is not something we need less of in society; we are desperately in need of good men who live in accordance with traditional ideas of virtue and chivalry. The policemen who responded to an active shooter at Nashville Christian school in March are a good example of the necessary presence of good men. Their courage and strength provided protection for vulnerable students and teachers. The troubled trans shooter personified the culture’s corrupt sense of masculinity, which stands in sharp contrast with the men who put their lives at risk to fulfill their duty. We need not follow in the footsteps of the poisonous portrayals of fathers in our culture, but through our own personal example must be a living testimony to the necessity of healthy families led by strong fathers. 

Young conservative men need to understand that, despite the value of engaging with the culture, no amount of reading right-wing blogs and debating with leftists will prepare you more for the task of conserving our heritage than by becoming a father yourself. Healthy families are necessary for the success of the conservative movement. 

Personal experiences shape our personalities and our thinking in profound and decisive ways. Perhaps many young people still live their daily lives on the basis of being single and free, without thinking about the future and the kind of country our descendants will inherit. A family man is not motivated by the needless display of dominance, nor by the search for senseless, reckless dangers, but by the protection of his family and his community, by responsible choices and by looking to the future.

It is probably not a coincidence that Europe’s leaders, who regularly make destructive choices, do not value the family. Ever since becoming a father, almost all my decisions are preceded by the question: how will this affect my family and children? I am keenly aware of my responsibility to my children, community, and nation. Perhaps we need more fathers in public life, stepping up to the challenge of defending our families and traditions.