30 April 2023

Hockey Fans Mourn Loss of Their Only Joke

No, here's the joke and it's still good!

Two Maple Leafs fans die and end up in Hell. The devil decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
The devil, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature. He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
The devil realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth. He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement. He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won the Cup!"

(The Leafs last won Lord Stnley's Cup in 1967, when the NHL still consisted of the Original Six!)

By Filipe Dimas

TORONTO – The hockey community is devastated at the loss of their only joke with the Toronto Maple Leafs having advanced out of the NHL’s first round of playoffs for the first time since 2004.

Nearly two decades of variations on “win a round” or “other team in 7” are now lost to time as hockey fans across North America scramble to find originality for the first time in nineteen years. While Toronto fans pour into the streets to celebrate, at least 31 other fan bases are now forced back to the drawing board.

“I mean sure, we could go back to just shouting 1967 every chance we get,” commented Canucks season ticket holder Herbert Moncrest. “But since most NHL players weren’t even alive the last time a Canadian team won a cup, that one feels like it’s lost a bit of its sting.”

Toronto’s win marks the largest sporting plot twist since the Chicago Cubs’ 2016 World Series victory, which caused comedy venues across St Louis to shutter their doors for two weeks as they regrouped. Much of the same is expected from theatres in Ottawa and Montreal, with the entirety of the annual Just For Laughs festival seemingly at risk.

Others however, think this may just be setting up the grand reveal, the kind of tragic punchline that would make William Shakespeare proud.

“This is bad,” muttered Leafs Fan Doug McSamsy. “We can’t have nice things, so what are the hockey gods planning? Oh God, Gary Bettman is going to veto the result and make us play the whole series again isn’t he?”

While the NHL has yet to release its second round schedule as they await the results of the remaining series, referee Wes McCauley has confirmed he will be overseeing every Maple Leafs match going forward to ensure that “such an injustice doesn’t occur again.”

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