The Jehovah's Witnesses and I

I've had three 'run ins' with members of the Arian sect calling themselves 'Jehovah's Witnesses' that bear retelling. They all took place when I was in my twenties and the first one would never happen today, because I'm not nearly as hotheaded as I was then.

I had left home, but I often visited, usually bringing a friend along as driver since I hadn't yet bothered to learn to drive, otherwise I took the bus. A favourite time for visiting was in the fall during upland game bird hunting season.

Now, a bit of backstory to explain what happened. My Grandmother, who was in her 90s at the time, had been raised a Swedish Lutheran. After she emigrated to the States, the church had gradually switched to English in their services. She decided that it wasn't 'real church' if it wasn't in Swedish, so she quit going. She was still a believer, but an 'unchurched' one.

The JWs had found out that she didn't go to church, and considering her advanced age, had obviously decided that they had to 'save' her before she died. Their visits had become so frequent that they were upsetting both her and my Uncle. They had taken to hiding and not answering the door when the JWs knocked.

A friend and I had been out attempting to slaughter defenceless, but tasty, winged creatures, Having no luck, we drove into Marysville to visit my Grandmother and my Uncle. We left our guns in the car when we went in the house.

As we sat chatting, there was a knock on the door. My Uncle glanced out the window and whispered frantically, 'Witnesses! Hide!'

My temper kicked in and I shouted, 'Hide? Hell, let me get my gun!' and started for the door. My Uncle leaped to restrain me, but obviously, my reaction had been overheard by the JWs, because my friend told me that he looked out the window to see them retreating rather rapidly down the walk.

As far as I ever heard, that was the last time they were bothered. I'm sure the word spread through the local Kingdom Hall to avoid her house because there might be a madman there with a gun!

As an aside that reflects on the collapse of Catholic catechesis after the Council in the time this incident took place, for years my Uncle's preferred 'JW repellant' was to tell them he was a Catholic, not that he'd ever darkened the door of a Catholic Church. Realising that Catholics actually knew their Faith, the JWs would immediately leave to find prey more likely to drink their heretical swill. In the aftermath of the Council and the confusion that reigned, Catholics no longer knew what the Church actually taught so the JWs (and many heretical protestant sects) realised that Catholics were a prime target!

The second episode also peripherally involves my Grandmother, before the tale above, when they were trying to 'save' her. It was her birthday, and we were having a family party. One of the attendees was my Great Uncle Oscar who had one of the foulest mouths I've ever experienced. Saying that he swore like a sailor or a muleskinner would be an understatement. Plus many other relatives, some of whom I'd never met, were there.

There was a knock on the door, which I answered. I didn't recognise the middle aged lady and the younger woman, but who knew? They could be my cousins, so I asked if I could help them. The older one replied that they were 'doing their Christian duty' at which I looked down at the books she was carrying and recognised the distinctive, sickly colours that the JWs use to bind their books. 

Not wanting to give Uncle Oscar a chance at exercising his 'wit' on them (I can be merciful! LOL!), I said we were having a family party, so I wouldn't invite them in, but I'd step out on the lawn to chat with them. As we began talking, the lady asked me if I'd ever read the Book of 'Revelation'. I said that I had. 

She immediately asked, planning on setting the '144,000 hook', if I realised that only certain people were going to heaven. I was still Orthodox at the time and I replied, 'Yes. And they all belong to the One, Holy, Catholic, Apostolic, and Orthodox Church, and everyone else is going to hell!'

That pretty well ended the conversation. I said I needed to get back to the party, but I'd really like to discuss it further. She said that if I gave her my contact info she'd have her son get in touch. I gave her my phone number and address. Never heard anything from another JW!

The last took place long before I became a Catholic and even before I became an Orthodox. I was an Episcopalian in a very liberal Parish. I was living with a young woman who was in the process of becoming a member of the church. She was going through what passed for religious education. Weak on moral teaching, they were very good on Christology.

One Saturday morning, she had gotten up and I was lying in bed when I heard a knock at the door. I could hear the conversation quite clearly. The JWs had showed up. It was a cold, snowy, Kansas winter day, but she didn't invite them in.

Soon, the conversation turned to the Person of Christ. Of course, as Arians the JWs don't believe in the Trinity or the Godhead of Christ, and this rapidly became obvious. Judith had just been discussing the Creeds in her religion classes and she was primed!

The conversation began to become rather heated and it ended with Judith shouting 'One God in Three Persons! Three Persons in One God!' at their rapidly retreating backs.

At that point, I came out of the bedroom and she looked at me and said, 'Where were you when I needed you!?' I laughed and replied, 'You didn't need me. You were doing quite well on your own. Well done!'