Making Room for Silence and Prayer

If we really want to pray we must first learn to listen, for in the silence of the heart God speaks. ~ T.S. Eliot. And the NO has no silence!

 From One Peter Five

By David Bissonette, PhD

Just as a good diet nourishes the body, prayer also nurtures the soul. It is an essential dimension of life that is often missed by many, yet the heart of man, regardless of his faith, yearns knowingly and more often unknowingly for God. The simple reason for this is that God is love, and so from the depths of our being, we pine for love itself.[1] Only God can satisfy this deep need because it is our nature to desire and love Him, and ultimately possess Him.

The human soul, by its very nature, is endowed with the faculty of knowing God and the capacity for loving Him.[2]

Silence is necessary for the soul to hear the promptings and whispers of God. It requires the person’s desire for prayer, for a hunger to stir his soul, for the divine is prayer.[3] Instead, we fill every moment of silence with network news bytes or entertainment, leaving us  empty. In a world wedded to constant noise, where people rush to the next appointment, the next event, their frantic lives immersed in toil and pressure, there is a hunger for some relief from the insanity.[4] Interestingly, the body and mind encounter calm in the storms of life when seeking the peace, silence, and harmony of nature. We intuitively know that a walk in an autumn forest or by a running creek helps settle our minds; it calms those inner storms that rattle us. We learn from spiritual advisors that the soul naturally seeks silence; it is in its nature to do so.[5] For, claims Fr. Grou, it is in silence that man can encounter the hidden God.

Men exhaust themselves in desires, in projects, in enterprises, and they never succeed in finding one single moment of rest; if they would only consult their reason, it would tell them that in this way they never can find rest.[6]

We learn as well from the Catholic Church’s saints that man must be silent to hear God, to know He is in our midst. Venerable Francis Xavier Nguyen Van Thuan writes that the evidence of God working in the world is when the people are reduced to silence.[7]

The problem is that, saturated with stimuli, we hear much of the world’s clamor but listen very little; we speak much of world issues but say mostly nothing of any significance. Without that silence, it becomes impossible to descend into this abyss in which lies the conscience, for it is there, in the quiet, that it gently whispers the truth. Van Zeller 8  reminds us of the difficulties in accessing silence in our modern world. He writes,

Silence has become something which has to be extracted from the environment.[8]

Silence is one of those things that, once found, needs protection, for it can be so quickly lost. To embrace silence, we must give death to our frantic preoccupations, to our love of the material world and pursuits. Dorothy Day, a journalist, social activist, and anarchist who died in 1980, after a religious conversion that led her to embrace Catholicism, writes about the necessity of killing the self-love within us to allow Christ to become visible in us; the alternative, she claims, is to leave it to God to do it.[9]

What is silence that we should seek and possess, but also run terrified from it? “How distasteful,” writes van Zeller.

…to think of having to hire silence, as you would have to hire a cab in the street or time on the air, but in an artificial society, it has to come to that.[10]

The pursuit of silence is not often leisurely, but it remains the first step in embracing a prayerful life. It is sought after sometimes, but paradoxically, quickly discarded after acquiring it. For many, the eerie whispers of the past shatter the tranquility and the peace attained in that silence. Quickly, the person, propelled to smother the threatening silence with noise, hopes in vain to quell the murmurs. What is so frightening about silence that many generations have drowned it out with the contemporary music of each age? The paradox is that deep within our being, we desire it, hunger for it, and yet find every opportunity to run from it.[11] What we fear in the silence are the worries and guilt ignited by the conscience that tend to emerge; they preoccupy us, anxiously threatening to consume us. Dr. Wayne Dyer, a professor of counselor education at St. John’s University in New York City, as well as an author of the 1970s bestseller, Your Erroneous Zones, discusses in his book how guilt becomes a preoccupation with past conduct and thoughts.[12] 

Dr. Dyer proposes that both guilt and worry are highly ineffective in managing inner peace. He claims that when guilt predominates as a strong emotion, it overrides all emotions and affects our thoughts.[13] In this silence, we experience guilt most profoundly; it is in the stillness that this remorse of conscience reverberates in the very depths of our soul. In that deafening silence, we hear those murmurs that incite us to worry about unreconciled matters. We become agitated and anxious, and so, within this setting, the individual who is resistant to engaging the pain and resolving the issue is ever seeking ways to escape from the grasp of that inner life.  One of the ways people evade the deepening of the interior life is by satisfying a superficial need for pleasure. And, so it happens that human nature can so easily become ensnared in the trappings of physical pleasures, whether in food, sensuality, or entertainment.[14]

Our senses, frequently tantalized to extreme levels, cannot pull away; they are incapable of hearing the higher call towards selflessness and temperance. And it is perhaps specifically our inability to fight our inner struggle with that misery that leads us to excesses and deviance in our experience of pleasure. We then become entrenched in an inner misery that causes us to seek and create dependency on the enjoyment of those earthly things rooted in pleasure; perhaps too much pleasure that leads to intemperance. It is this misery and inner turmoil that we are taught by our culture to sidestep at a very young age, if only for a moment. Indeed, we are prompted to escape it. Anti-depressants, food, alcohol, recreational drugs, and sensuality become sources of relief that appease the intense and relentless daily inner and outer storms of life.

More nefarious than fear, stress, and worries, guilt rummages around in the soul like a worm tunneling through the earth, reaching the deep recesses of our inescapable past. Guilt, defined by the American Psychological Association, is one of the recognizable traits of depression.[15]

Guilt, worry, and intemperance keep us from joyfully experiencing the silence, from hearing the voice of the conscience that inspires holy and wholesome thoughts, good desires, righteous actions, and perhaps repentance. It is repentance and changing our sinful ways that open up portals of prayer. Fr. Grou in his masterpiece Manual for Interior Souls, writes:

What is called the voice of conscience is, in reality, the voice of God himself, who thus warns us, reproves us, enlightens and directs us. It is not in dissipation, nor in the agitation and tumult of the world, that we shall hear it; but in solitude, in peace, in the silence of our passions and imaginations.[16]

Self-absorption or concern for self, detracts from gaining the interior silence, that stillness needed for prayer, and ultimately to hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit. The goal is the denial of self—spiritually speaking—so that individuals may attain a peaceful heart, a quieting of the passions, and a cessation of the mind’s agitation, the susurrates of the soul, and all internal rebellions.[17] Grou captures the struggle well. He writes:

All our disturbances come from thinking ourselves to be something of importance and assuming rights which we do not possess, and because we will always, and in all things, begin by considering ourselves directly, and will not attend to the rights and interests of God.[18]

The other night, after picking my wife up from a 12-hour shift at urgent care, where she works as a nurse practitioner, she held her head in disbelief as she tried to compute the disturbing encounter she had with a mother and her 17-year-old daughter. For starters, the daughter took two types of psych meds and complained of abdominal pain, rating the pain at a ten on a scale of zero to ten. When my wife tested for guarded reactions when palpating the abdomen, the patient reacted more like one out of ten. My wife shared that she has evaluated patients with acute pancreatitis — which is exceedingly painful — who self-evaluate their pain as 8 out of 10. The 17-year-old daughter demonstrated a level of self-absorption and self-concern that was disturbingly high and reflective of a narcissistic culture that is painfully aware of its misery but of nobody else’s.

In August 2013, Douglas Quenqua interviewed Dr. Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, for a piece that appeared in the New York Times. She is the author of the 2006 bestseller, Generation Me, and was co-author of the 2009 bestseller, The Narcissism Epidemic. Her conclusion after studying years of personality tests was,

That younger generations are increasingly entitled, self-obsessed, and unprepared for the realities of adult life.[19]

She argues that these newer generations are victims of the self-esteem culture that grew out of the 1980s’ belief that we need only believe in

ourselves to succeed. TV programs such as “Fame” and movies like Flashdance and Footloose fueled that deeply flawed mentality in the 1980s. Reality TV shows and current streaming programs exponentially promote the cultural perversion that creates even greater levels of unhappiness. Experts in the field of depression, personality disorders, and anxiety realize that heightening self-esteem is not the solution to a happy life. Instead, selflessness and perhaps even self-denial ought to be strictly applied at a spiritual level.[20] What is necessary is to eradicate the personality traits that have been encouraged by the erroneous pop-psychology philosophies that richly fertilized the U.S. landscape with frivolous self-help literature. These many books and papers were at the root of the self-esteem generation’s narcissism, seriously skewing their view of the world relative to themselves. Twenge and Campbell, in the aforementioned bestseller Narcissistic Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, describe a dramatic climb in the narcissistic index, particularly since the 1980s and 90s, which translates into an unfortunate self-absorption, a love affair with self, with the big ME that needs recognition, which is unique in such magnificent ways.[21] What makes this generation particularly vulnerable to depression is the realization that this uniqueness is unknown outside of the myopic environment in which they grew up. The world’s inability to recognize their extraordinary traits becomes a frustration to the soul. The goal then is to become dead to the esteem and love of ourselves, and not be enthralled with them, writes Fr. Grou.[22]

With repentance and the changing of ways, the embrace of the commandments, prayer becomes, in this context, a vector of strength and grace. It invites us to turn from the world’s enticements and whispers. Developing an interior life becomes the most significant endeavor of our entire existence. It is a journey fraught with struggle and disturbances, but one that must be followed to know God and peace. All souls who earnestly search for this truth will indeed find it in Him Who Is.  There is something to search for that is true and not fictional.

This is a refreshing realization in a world immersed in relativism, where everyone’s “truth” is different and arguably correct. This, of course, is New Age nonsense, for indeed, if there is one thing that we can depend on, it is truth. Truth does exist, whether it be medical, biochemical, or nutritional truths; it is hidden in all the data collected in the research. What we find as scientists may indeed be only partial truths, but we  are without a doubt, slowly uncovering the whole truth. So it is with the spiritual life; we search and find partial truths along the highways and byways of life, but we should never cease searching for the fullness of truth by developing an interior life. A life lived on the surface, skimming, as it were, the soundbites of life, leaves us, in the end, empty and thirsty for more. The mystics tell us there are several truths about the interior life.

Truth 1: Free will, given to man and consecrated back to God, allows the individual to renounce all desires to guide himself willingly. Through this consecration, a man throws himself at the feet of the Creator, relying entirely on God’s providence. This is a selfless act of abandonment; it reflects the lack of trust in ourselves and the eternal hope we have in God, whose providence is always directed towards our eternal salvation.[23]

Truth 2: The complete peace in man’s heart is achieved by the total gift of himself to God. The more the gift is absolute, generous, and irrevocable, the more uninterrupted peace will become.[24]

Truth 3: Be content to achieve little things with great love rather than great things with no love. Let this be the mantra of our daily lives. And so, should it happen that we become renowned, let our interior desires aspire to become hidden once again.[25]

Truth 4: There is but one enemy to the love of God, and that is the love of self. This truth contrasts significantly with the self-empowerment theme that has been widely promoted over the last four decades as a means of attaining happiness.[26]

Truth 5: Become selfless, posing no obstacles that interfere with God’s ways and operations. Be water, easily manipulated by God’s will.[27]

Truth 6: We are all blind to our spiritual needs. It is a difficult pill to swallow, especially in this information age. We can look anything up on the internet and quickly find the answer to our queries. Yet the paradox is that we cannot uncover our spiritual needs through an iPhone. That we are blind is self-evident in our ability to see ourselves as flawless, and yet expose the faults of others. We must admit that we know neither God nor ourselves very well. The danger is that we remain obstinate in believing that we can see and so persist in blindness until there is no escape from it.[28]

Having reflected on these truths, prayer becomes central in calling down graces from heaven to shield us and fortify us from temptation, and ultimately help us resist sin. There are three broad categories of prayers. The first is oral prayer, the second is vocal prayer, and the third is the heart’s prayer.[29]The first two prayer types are understood to be the spoken word, or oral, and the verbal, which is often recited in the mind. The third is the prayer Saint Paul refers to when he writes, “…pray without ceasing.” Fr. Grou provides insight into this third type:

By the prayer of the heart, which consists of a habitual and constant disposition of love to God, of trust in Him, of resignation to His will in all the events of our lives; in a continual attention to the voice of God, speaking to us in the depths our consciences and unceasingly suggesting to us thoughts and desires of good and perfection.[30]

Fr. Nicholas Grou advances that it is this prayer of the heart that all Christians should practice until it becomes second nature.[31] Who can pray in this manner? Not many, though, it is not difficult to do.[32] Grou posits that only those souls who consecrate or give themselves completely to God can practice the prayer of the heart.[33] What is difficult is that there tends to be a small fragment of ourselves that we hold back in our giving over of ourselves to Jesus. There is an inevitable artifact of self-love that poisons the purity of the offering. And so, the struggle is on to eradicate that little bit of ourselves that we refuse to surrender to God. Grou 34 counsels that when that surrender is complete,

God rewards it [the soul] at once by the gift of Himself; He establishes Himself in the heart, and forms there that continual prayer which consists in peace, in recollection, in a constant attention to God in the interior of the soul.[34]

Can we make that surrender through our strength and our will? We can desire it through our will; we can aspire to it by our intellect; you can yearn to do it in your heart, but unless God’s love is in you, the grace may not be given. But then, who is loved by God? Who is the true lover of God? The one who follows God’s commandments. Saint John provides a clear indication:

If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my father’s commandments and remain in his love (Jn. 15:10).

Old Testament writings confirm this belief as part of an old Jewish tradition. This belief, grounded in faith, is founded on the principle that God will provide for His people if they remain faithful to the laws.

If you live in accordance with my precepts and are careful to observe my commandments, I will give you rain in due season, so that the land will bear its crops, and the trees their fruits…. You will have food in abundance, so that you may dwell securely in your land (Lev. 26:3-5).

It was understood for thousands of years that by deviating from the Mosaic Law, God withdraws His protection, mercy, and grace. He thus inflicts troubles on the people and the nations. The New Testament continues this understanding with Jesus, the Son of God. He brings intimacy to understanding the Law, because the God-man speaks to people directly, with the authority of the Father, giving great hope and understanding of the benefits of loving God and clarity on what it means.

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them; he it is that loveth me. And he that loveth me, shall be loved of my Father: and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (Jn. 14:21).

He that loveth me not, keepeth not my words. And the word which you have heard is not mine; but the Father’s who sent me (Jn. 14:21-24).

For those who keep His word, you can ask in prayer anything of the Father in the Name of Jesus, and it will given to you. The Apostle John clarifies that efficacious prayer is linked to being faithful to God’s commands. The Apostle gives the human race a certifiable truth given directly from God’s Son, who cannot lie, for He is truth incarnate.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, you shall ask whatever you will, and it shall be done unto you (Jn. 15:7).

On the surface, it is a simple request. There is, however, an implicit depth that cannot be penetrated, but by the grace and love of God, achieved by repentance and turning away from the ways of the world.

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[1] Dorothy Day, The Reckless Way of Love: Notes on following Jesus, 1st ed. (Walden, NY: Plough Publishing House, 1917), 128.

[2] Fr J Nicolas Grou, Manual for Interior Souls (London: St. Anselm Society, 1905), 220.

[3] Jean Louis Chrétien, “The Wounded Word: The Phenomenology of Prayer.” In Phenomenology and the ‘Theological Turn,’ Edited by Dominique Janicaud, et al. (New York: Fordham University Press 2000), 146–75.

[4] Grou, op. cit.,111.

[5] Hubert Van Zeller. Leave your Life Alone (IL: Templegate Publishers, 1972), 127.

[6] Grou, op. cit., 284.

[7] Francis Xavier Van Thuan, Prayers of Hope: Words of Courage—English Edition (Boston: St.Paul/Pauline Books & Media, 2012), 144.

[8] Van Zeller, op. cit., 70.

[9] Day, op. cit., 149.

[10] Van Zeller, loc. cit.

[11] Grou, op. cit., 415.

[12] Wayne Dyer, Your Erroneous Zones (New York: Avon Publishing, 1977), 253.

[13] Ibid.

[14] Grou, loc. cit.

[15] American Psychological Association. “Depression.” Retrieved from: http://www.apa.org/topics/depress/ on September 8, 2015.

[16] Grou, op. cit., 14.

[17] Ibid., 414.

[18] Ibid., 189.

[19] Douglas Quenqua, “Seeing Narcissists Everywhere,” New York Times, (6 Aug. 2013).

[20] Grou, 415.

[21] Jean M Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, The Narcissistic Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement (New York: Atria, 2009), 343.

[22] Grou, 189-190.

[23] Ibid., 300.

[24] Ibid., 301.

[25] Ibid., 302.

[26] Ibid., 303.

[27] Ibid., 305.

[28] Ibid., 306.

[29] Ibid., 263.

[30] Ibid.

[31] Ibid.

[32] Ibid., 265.

[33] Ibid.

[34] Ibid.